Sunday, March 30, 2014

LIVE WITH FIRE

As I draw closer and closer to my departure, I can't help but feel uneasy and anxious at the leap I am taking and the unknown territory I am voluntarily venturing into. However, it forces me to take a good hard look at what led to the conviction for me to take this upon myself in the first place.

***

As much as I know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life pottering about in a cubicle in front of a screen surrounded by four walls, I also am a person who takes it upon herself to complete the task at hand and do it DAMN WELL, because it is beyond unthinkable for my nature to turn in shoddy half-assed work (even for something I'm not particularly interested in). This actually played out an interesting sequence of catch-22 events. 

Incidents that float to the surface of my memory :
____________________________________________________________________________________________

The company network was down and I was upset. A colleague in admin (who doesn't require going online to get their stuff done) came casually coasting by and breezily asked me why I was looking glum. In my distress, I took their laissez faire for a sincere inquiry and ranted to them

" Do you know what this means? I could be updating the accounts in our database, reading the business and economic news,  doing market research, replying emails to clients, etc etc... " 

I paused as I realized that they didn't really care about what I was saying, and to be honest, I didn't really care about what I was saying either.

Giving me an indifferent nod, they fake-sympathetically patted me on the back and told me to take it easy then continued on their way to the pantry to get their 3rd cup of cloyingly sweet coffee before ambling back to their desk and resuming their 300th round of Candy Crush.

***

Or when we were having another glitch with the system and I was stressing about a conference I had put together, tearing hairs from frustration.

" How am I going to liase with them smoothly? The hotel, the guests, our partners, all the people at stake that are involved. Oh, and how in the world will the kitchen ever know whether to serve canapes or tartlets for morning tea? "

Canapes or tartlets. I mean, we all know I like to eat but.. Really Cheryl, really???  



*** 

Or when we were dully tabulating our overtime and I got excited that I had way more than the average for that particular month. For a fleeting moment, I actually gloated at the surplus hours I'd spent in the office, gleefully anticipating the extra digits that would be appearing on my paycheck. Then the realization hit home and I recoiled in shock as I asked myself 

" What is happening to me? Who on earth is this person? "


Since when did it ever become acceptable to sell myself out for money? Since when did the possession of cold hard cash ever become more desirable than the possession of my own person?

How utterly miserable. Desolately despicable. Pathetic beyond belief. Oh, I look back and shudder with complete loathing and contempt for the desperate downward slope on which I was descending.
_________________________________________________________________________

Which so strongly reminds me of the reason I'd rather break out of this stupid cushy deluded bubble and do this than to stay stuck with the the same cookie cutter routine day in and day out, soullessly going through the motions with deliberate methodical coldness removed of any genuine human feelings.

To discover my raw desires and overwhelming passion and great excitement, to reclaim that living breathing hotblooded human being whose soul burns aflame with an intense fire and courage pulsing through her veins.

My life is meant for a much higher calling, a greater purpose beyond this.




                        


Monday, March 24, 2014

HOW TO KILL YOURSELF

I was talking to a friend who was feeling incredibly upset and frustrated at certain things in his life. On top of that, he was lost for direction of what he wanted to do with his future and was awfully down and depressed.

I asked him " What do you love? "

Blank stare.

" What makes you feel thankful to be alive? "

He thought about it for a while, then answered forlornly " Nothing. "

" Okay. Maybe there is nothing in life that regularly excites you right now. But look back and recap the years of your life. There must have been instances you felt your heart pound so fast you thought it would explode, a frighteningly delicious thrill that ran down your spine and made you quiver. What were they? "

He pondered. His eyes lit up. The beginnings of a smile tugged the corners of his mouth.

" When I was 15, I stole a candy bar. My friends and I ran away as hard and fast as we could, then finally collapsed amidst gasps of laughter with utter relief and terror, giddily drunk high on exhilaration. "

I responded

" I don't think it was the specific act of taking a candy bar in itself. It was stepping outside the shackles of monotony and going against the cogs of the mundane, defying expectations, challenging the norm, saying 'to hell with the rules' that brought you that burst of sheer freedom and pure ecstasy. "

" Well guess what? You CAN relive it, in fact over and over again. "

" You can't go on doing the same things you've been doing for the past 5 years and expect to wake up to a different tomorrow, that things will all of a sudden drastically change for the better. " 

/////////////
" So do something that terrifies you. That goes against and destroys the very person that you are so unhappy with right now. Put an end to this boring, meaningless, unfulfilled life that you hate, and start doing it today. "

" It doesn't have to be something gargantuan like trekking to the North Pole or conquering Mt Everest or hacking your way through the Amazon jungle. "

***
/////////////////////
" Start a conversation with a random person. Leave your destructive relationship. Run a 5k. Climb onto the roof and lie facing the stars. Perform in front of a crowd. Go on a road trip. Join a society. Apply for an internship. Buy a plane ticket to anywhere. Start reading (and finish!) a book. Learn the guitar. Write and submit an article. 
Ask someone in queue to share a deal (like those 2-for-1 promos). Go on a hike. Donate blood. Tell someone who's been bothering you. "


" Take a different route home. Ask her out. Try out for a team. Share your umbrella with a stranger. Volunteer in something you're passionate about. Compliment someone on their outfit. Paint. Go rock climbing. Try stand up comedy. Sing your heart out on stage (or a Youtube cover). Lift some weights. Write a song. Get a (part-time) job. Shave your head (or maybe just change your hairstyle). Sit with someone who's eating alone. "

For every time that you do something which terrifies you to death ; a tiny part of the old you dies inside, allowing yourself to be reborn a little more towards the person you desire to be and bringing you a step closer to living the life you want.


                        

Friday, March 21, 2014

DIAMONDS

When pressure comes :

1) You can choose to feebly succumb, painfully crumble to dust and thence sink into meaningless oblivion amidst the raging hurricane that is life. 

   or

2) You can fiercely grit your teeth, hold your head high, embrace the intensity, fearlessly plunge into the furnace. 

And emerge such a blindingly brilliant diamond that your demons will gnash their teeth, throw their heads back, and howl with rage from inane madness of the knowledge that they will be no longer able to tarnish the glittering hardness that you are.

***

Steady now. Inhale. Exhale. Repeat.

Keep going. Chin up. You got this. 

You got this.

   I got this.

                        

Monday, March 17, 2014

CROSSFIT GIRL TALK



Melissa and I - smashed our WOD or smashed from our WOD?

She looks so chirpily cheerful while I on the other hand look so infuriatingly smug.

***

On my first date with Cad (I have decided that is the pseudonym I will use to refer to him on this blog), it was getting close to dinnertime and both of us were getting hungry. We were trying to decide where to eat and he asked me

    " Let's grab a bite - anything particular you have in mind? " 

I answered without thinking

    " Protein. " 

*** 

We decided to eat at the food court in KLCC and I got a chicken tandoori. Conversation steered to the conventional high-fat, high-protein diet generally encouraged in the CrossFit community.

    " Eating fat doesn't cause you to grow fat. That's like saying - so I'm eating chicken breasts, therefore I'll grow bigger breasts? Hey, that would actually be pretty cool. "
/////

                        

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

DATING DIARIES : DATING TO DATE

From the response generated from my recent posts, a lot of people seem to have rather varied ideas on what dating means. I thought it would be good to share my thoughts here as well. From my perspective, dating falls into two categories.

 " Dating to Date & Dating to Invest. "

I'll be talking about the first part in this post.

      Dating to Date


When you date to date, you're going out with someone purely to get to know them better at surface level - their likes / dislikes, hobbies, interests, etc. This allows both parties to figure out how compatible the both of you are ; to establish how well you get along as friends and whether you'd like to keep it at that, or if there is any potential to take things to the next level. At this stage, it is completely acceptable for either party to go out on dates with other people. 

ON PAIN OF DEATH, do not say things like

   " Where do you see this relationship going? "
   " How do you feel about 'us' ? "

   " How many kids should we have? Also since we're on the topic, should we get a dog or goldfish? "

I haven't even decided if I like you well enough to share dessert with you to go as far as to consider if I want to share my life with you. (If you do however, bring up such things I will be more inclined to stab you with my steak knife than offer you a portion of my cheesecake.)

After getting past the first few awkward initial dates, I'll only be able to tell how well I'll be getting along with them based on how well both of us connect in conversation and how comfortable I feel with them 

***


When you date to date, it's better to do so in a relaxed environment without too much pressure or expectations on each other. I can't say the same for everyone, but I wouldn't be too relaxed meeting someone unfamiliar for the first time at a fancy Michelin star restaurant  ; what with having to deal with being in such a delicate surroundings and having to dress in proportionately posh attire. 

I'd probably pronounce 'Foie Gras' wrong, accidentally break one of their champagne flutes,  and set fire to the tablecloth - all before the entree.
//////
    
     That tablecloth is going to go up in flames before our maitre'd arrives with the foie gras.

On that note, other ideas I feel would be equally unsuitable for the initial dating phase include family dinners, weddings, and other events along those lines. However, that doesn't mean that your first date has to be on the street grabbing burgers and fries from a cart and eating by the pavement. 

Checking out a planetarium / science museum, flying a kite then having a picnic in a park, going on a boat ride in a lake, ice skating, visiting a library (this probably only applies to me) and exploring the city would be among other fun ideas in my book. That being said, it doesn't mean the same goes for everyone. Know what you both enjoy and work with that.
///////

       Photo credits : Canadian Boy

***

I think it's sweet and I appreciate affectionate gestures such as taking my arm to show me the way when I'm uncertain or when crossing a busy road, giving me a brief hug, rubbing my shoulders and hands for some warmth when I'm cold.

Nevertheless as a girl, it is on you to know your worth and value yourself as such. If you carelessly give yourself away to any Tom Dick and Harry that comes along, sooner or later every guy will expect that your body be readily available at no cost. Respect yourself and you will in turn command respect. The guy you're out with may have his own interpretation of it which may be accurate, but then again he might not. Don't depend on another person to safeguard your own interests. Clearly define what is acceptable and what is not.

It's crucial to take things slow in this area because you're testing the waters and whether you want to venture further. However if you jump right into the deep and then only realize you don't have what it takes to stay afloat, it's much harder to backpedal. By the time you realize they don't actually care a toss about you, it makes it that much harder to cleanly end things  on a good note after being physically vested in them.

That is not telling you to insert the title 'Sister' in front of your name, cover yourself from head to toe, go to the chapel, and start singing hymns in the pews.
//////

          You'll have bigger issues than solving a problem like Maria.

All I'm stating is that physical affection should not be the emphasis. You want to evaluate your compatibility as two people and that doesn't have to take place under the sheets.

If you've been going out for some time and realize that there is more to this relationship than just a platonic one and this is actually someone you see yourself sharing more of your life with. It's time to consider if both of you are ready to make the transition towards Dating to Invest.

                        










Sunday, March 9, 2014

PISTOLS & PRESSES

This post will display the progression of movements for the Pistol Squat and Press Up. All photos taken at BodyXpress Pure Gym @ Subang Avenue with trainer Luke Lango.

   1. Progression: Pistol Squat


a) Holding arms out for balance, extend one leg in front of the other. (Increase the challenge by placing both hands behind your head.)


b) Using the standing leg, gradually lower yourself into squat position.


c) Make sure your knees do not extend beyond your toes and keep to a 90 degree angle. Return to starting position.



   2. Progression: Press Up


1. Elevate body off the ground. Assume pushup position while keeping arms as close to torso as possible.


2. Gradually lower yourself to the ground while keeping body parallel.


3. Go as low as you can, or until your chest touches the floor. Return to starting position.



                        

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

DATE NIGHT : WORST CASE SCENARIO

Just before I headed out for my date, my sister asked me

" What would be your worst case scenario? " 

I thought about it for a while, then answered: 

1. Getting stood up.
2. Not being able to 'click' with each other
3. Him trying to score  (if you know what I mean.)

***

As I sit here the next morning in my very-comfy-jammies typing out this post, I'm glad to inform that none of the above came to light.

What did happen was

   1. He showed up and his actual self was consistent with his virtual one.

Here's an interesting detail : he first contacted me via the World Wide Web (because the interwebz is where all the kool kidz hang out now lolxz peace out y'all xoxo). We've never met prior in person, hence this should've been on the 'worst case scenario' list as well ; nothing could be more of a moodkill than meeting Jabba the Hutt when you were expecting Channing Tatum.

That's not saying he's a doppelganger for Channing Tatum but you get what I mean.

      
       " Why hello there beautiful. " 

   2. He took me around Pasar Seni, Chinatown, and KLCC park.

Although really, Chinatown should be renamed Banglatown / Indotown / Myanmartown because there were hardly any Chinese in the vicinity.
//////

He also showed me the backpacker hostel where he set up for a couple of weeks when he came through Malaysia while touring SEA.

An amusing incident ; when we were in the LRT, we almost mistakenly got off at a wrong stop - Kampung Baru. I told him that it was the Melay translation for 'new village'. He then started pointing randomly at the other stops, asking me to tell him what they meant.

Taman Bahagia was Happy Garden, Damai was peace, Dato' Keramat was Grandpa Keramat (LOL right there.)
////////////

    " What about Asia Jaya? " he wondered. I answered,
    " That would be.. Asian Success." And we laughed at how fittingly it played into the typical Asian stereotype.

   3. We got along fine.

   " Were you nervous before this? " he asked.
   " Not really. I was only breaking out in cold sweat, memorizing my lines, and popping a million different anti-anxiety pills. "

Jokes aside, to answer that question truthfully I would say I was slightly apprehensive as there's a number of ways for a situation like this could've turned out. However, it was for no good reason as I felt relatively at ease being myself (I think the fact that he did not look like Jabba helped as well.) 

At the end of the night, he gave me a hug and we parted ways. 
/
//////
       Pic credits : Canadian Boy

We've only known each other for less than a month, hence this was more of a 'get to know you better as a person' date than anything more. Nobody's declaring their undying love or eloping to get married so you can all calm your tits and go back to work.

***

When I got home, my sister asked me two more questions.

  " How was it? "

While there were no fireworks shooting off nor angels descending playing their heavenly harps, I did appreciate both of us getting a better picture of each other. Plus it was nice to play tourist and get to see some parts of KL.


Extra points for him being considerate to see I wouldn't get back too late and also checking to see if I'd reached safely. (Elementary when taking a girl out, however this is apparently still something foreign to some guys.)

  " Will there be a second date? "

Maybe? My take on this is that if it happens it happens, but in the meantime I'm certainly not going to be sitting at home staring at the phone all day and then mope if he doesn't call. It's called having a life, people. Look it up, maybe make a note to get one as well. (Okay that was maybe taking it a bit too far. Jokes!)

Toodaloo!