Wednesday, April 30, 2014


The pitter patter of raindrops tinkle outside. The fan twirls lazily above. The amber glow of streetlights sleepily cascade through the windows, downcast in their mellowed gaze.

Silence encircles us. One of his hands caress my freshly washed hair.  The other hand takes mine, gently strokes my rough callouses from the bar. Our gazes reflect each other. He takes a breath and softly shatters the poignant stillness.

     " You know I can't stay, right? "

I know.
That's life.

And I have no regrets.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014


It's late. I have to be up early tomorrow. 

I should be in bed, yet here I am. I have more work to do ; I should really be taking care of that right now. 

However I am slowly suffocating, steadily sinking.This weight on my chest ; I need to get it off and breathe.

Since Sunday,

   " How was your trip? "
   " Have you been following up with clients? "
   " How are the write ups coming along? "
   " Are you ready for the Phillippines? "
   " Is everything in place to launch? "
   " What's happening with him? "
     etc etc.

People have also been asking a lot " How do you feel? "
I respond " Feel? "

What's that?

I am so overwhelmed that what I hear shouting the loudest is urgency, fatigue, and a mounting pressure to maintain a precarious balance and wondrous dexterity a la tightrope walker-slash-juggler to keep my stance and have every ball in the air. Everything else is clouded, slow-mo, faint, foggy. Anyway, here's emptying the bag and sorting things through. 

So many questions about how's the situation, what's the progress, what's going on, how I feel about this and that, yada yada bla bla. You want honest answers? Well then I got you honest answers.



It was an incredible experience. My first, but it certainly won't be my  last. It was scary, bewildering, exciting, different, breathtaking. It opened my eyes to everything I have here that take for granted. It showed me how kind people are and reminded me that there is so much good in the world. It challenged me. There were times I caught myself asking what the heck and why the heck. It wasn't easy nor comfortable nor familiar nor convenient. However, if it had been 'easy', 'comfortable', 'familiar' and 'convenient', I would've been better off just staying at home.

   Work & Writing

This, THIS is what I have chosen for myself. This is me making sure of a better future for me. This is my climb to greater heights. This is what I love and am passionate about. This makes me feel alive and sets me on fire. Nobody said it would be easy, but it sure as hell will be worth it. Passion is only one half of the equation - there is no achieving success without a herculean amount of hard work. I can't let myself forget or ever lose sight of that. A pleasant sunny side up today, received an unexpected financial recognition for a goodwill write-up.


I truly thought we were done and over with. I thought we were 'just friends'. However, the bewildering aftermath that ensued had me confused as to whether we were really so purely platonic. At 5 a.m. Monday (as in day before yesterday) morning after touching down from HK he told me he was having issues getting back into Malaysia. I groggily asked him where he was and only received silence. In the afternoon he replied that he got through after all and would be taking care of arrangements to stay. I wanted to flip a table at him for the false alarm. This evening he informed that they are not approving his visa. And now I want to flip all the tables at everyone.


   " Things fade, places change, people leave, and life goes on. "

I must go on.
There is no other way but forth.

Friday, April 18, 2014


   " You're putting it on. "

   " No one is that nice. "

   " How can you stay so happy? "

   " You can drop the act with me. "

   " You must be hiding something. What is it? "

   " It's okay to cry you know. "

   " You're in denial. "

   " Too good to be true. "

   " Where does all your positive come from? "

   " Don't pretend to be alright. "

   " Come on, pour your heart out! I'm here for you. "


I have NO FREAKING IDEA where these perplexedly astonishing notions come from. How is it so difficult to get how this works?

There is no 'trick question', 'magic formula' nor 'gameshow answer'. This is breathtaking beauty in pure simplicity ; there is no need to muddle around and muck things up. 

Let me help to lay it down - you better take my damn word for it that this is no 'act' nor 'pretense'. This is the real deal, uncut and uncensored.


    Happiness is a choice.

And this is the choice I commit, every single day.


Thursday, April 3, 2014


Sitting by the lake in Putrajaya

Me: People should stop focusing on WEIGHT loss and focus instead on FAT loss. If weight was all someone purely cared about they could just take a really epic huge dump and see instant results.
Him: ...

Me: They could also catch a stomach bug, get diarrhea, or throw up from food poisoning and drop a couple of pounds but still be just as fat.
Him: That's... interesting.


Grocery shopping in the deli section

Him: Should I get lamb, beef, or chicken?
Me: Well they're all protein when it comes to macros so basically they're all like the same thing anyway.
Him: Gee thanks, that was really helpful.

We ended up getting steak.