Friday, June 28, 2013

FROM THE TOP


Random thoughts on a lazy Saturday afternoon, point-form style.

 -  A vicious bout of flu knocked me out at 7pm yesterday and I woke up at 9am today. 

 -  I've purchased six pieces of apparel from online blogshops this morning.

 -  It is now 12pm, I've eaten two enormous breakfasts and I'm as stuffed as a barrel.

 -  If I keep chowing down food at this rate, none of my purchases are going to fit me when they arrive.

 -  Due to the terrible haze which recently swept across the country, I have not gone for a run since last Wednesday (i.e. 10 days ago.)

 - The Standard Chartered KL Marathon which was initially scheduled for tomorrow has been postponed to the 29th of September.



 -  The combination of no exercise + boredom eating + staying indoors has got me feeling really lousy.
     L.O.U.S.Y.

 -  Thank goodness the haze seems to have cleared, hence I'll be able to resume my usual running routine.



 -  Heading out soon for a round of captainball with my lovely teammates and I'm looking forward to it!

Allow me to repeat : my 'lovely' teammates. ;)



 -  As much as I'm dedicated to running, it can get a tad lonely and monotonous once in a while ; at times I miss the camaraderie and team spirit of playing with friends.





 -  Last but not least, I'll be signing up for the Viper Challenge on the 17th of August. What is the Viper Challenge? Just a series of obstacles set up over a distance of 20km. Pshaww, merely a trifle, merely a trifle.


                        

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

I WONDER

Sometimes I wonder why I do what I do.

Fatigue wrenches my being. I am weary. The journey is so long and cruel. My shoulders are stooped. I am on the brink of collapse.

Why take upon so much?
Why push forward so doggedly?
Why not take leisure and release myself from these conquests?

Then I remind myself where my priorities lie. I gaze again upon dreams waiting eagerly to be fulfilled. And I realize once more that I would rather stare upon the terror of death than to give any less than I can give.

Presto! That is enough to fan the flames of my spirit, for me to march on starry-eyed and determined.

                     


Saturday, June 15, 2013

FOR YOU, MY LOVE.

Today, I was at the track. I wasn't supposed to be ; I had no idea what I was doing there. 

But once I placed my foot upon its surface, I knew what I was there for. I was there for the run. So despite the fact that I should in the midst of my taper, I ran. I relished every step, enjoyed every moment.
//////////////


****


After my run, I bumped into an old friend of mine from high school. We walked together and caught up,
filling each other in about what we've been up to, how we've been. Then he said to me

" You've been travelling a lot, I see it's something you enjoy. How would you like to travel with me to Europe? "

I laughed, then responded 

" Go to Europe with you? What do you have in mind? "

" I want to go there for someone. To meet a girl. "

" Wait, so you're doing this for a girl? Why? "

" What do you mean by 'why'? Why not? "

" Well, if I did something like this, I'd want to do it for myself. For me, not for someone else. "
////////////
***

Allowing another person to be the pivot of your own hopes and actions ; I simply cannot fathom it.

Yes, they may measure up to what you hoped for. Yes, they may prove themselves worthy.
Nevertheless, there still lurks this very real possibility - what if they don't?

I don't believe in putting my faith in another person to climb with my mountains with me, endure this journey with me, and support me through the pursuit of my dreams.

What if they decide to abandon me halfway?
What if they decide they want to take a breather, when I still want to persevere and push on?
What if they fall and drag me down with them?

I'm sorry, but the only person I know I can trust for sure to be there with me every step of the way is myself.  It would be beyond unthinkable to have it any other way. After all, I'm the one who will be held accountable, I'm the person who will endure the subsequent results of my decisions and actions

There are certain principles and values I know I will never relinquish no matter what. However, I hesitate when it comes to believing that others will always have the same stand as I do. 

If you have a dream.
If you have a goal.
If you have an ambition.

Make sure its
For you to pursue.
For you to live.
For you to achieve.
For you to revel in and cherish.


Yes my love, for you and no one else.
/////////////////




                        

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

CARPE DIEM

I was telling a friend about this year. How everything has been falling so perfectly into place. How thankful I was for the things that have been, and how excited I am for the things that have yet to come. Blessing upon blessing showered unto me from above, this year has been surreal. 

So there I was, passionately recounting to him all that has been, eager in my anticipation for all that has yet to come. My hands waving animatedly, face aglow with happiness. He was listening intently as well, then he said this ;

" I'm glad for you. Just be careful not to get too happy. Because then you're gonna have a long way to fall when you come back down to reality ; you're gonna crash hard. "

I stopped in my tracks, momentarily stunned. Flummoxed, flabbergasted, tongue tied. At a complete loss for words.

" What do you mean by that? " I enquired.

" Well, you say that this year has been so wonderful. I just can't help but be concerned. What about when you go back to school and all of this comes to an end? What about when everything around you comes to a full stop and you find yourself staring at the monotony of having a fixed routine again? Won't that be just a huge crash back down to reality, an incredible letdown and disappointment? Just be cautious and don't let yourself go too far. You know as well as I do, that this high isn't gonna last forever. Sooner or later, you're gonna have to get back down here with the rest of us. "

My mouth hung agape in astonishment. I was struck speechless.

***

The higher you are, the harder you fall. Yes, I know that.

So by that logic,

We shouldn't work hard to accomplish success because it might be taken away from us in one swoop of misfortune?

We shouldn't let ourselves fall passionately, deeply, in love because we might get hurt?

We shouldn't pour ourselves out to strive for greatness because we might lose everything if things don't work out?


We shouldn't even dare to venture out of the house because we might get hit by a bus or get stabbed. Heck, we might as well just stay within the confines of our walls and wear bulletproof vests as we tremble in fear of what lies out there.

If you go by that logic, we might as well give up, start digging our graves and lie ourselves down to rest now.

I realize this might be taking it a bit extreme, my all or nothing persona getting a tad worked up. But seriously, that's what it might as well be.

***

/////
I'm sorry (actually no), but I vow to look each day straight in the eye and make the best out of what comes at me. I sure as hell would rather seize life by the horns, than run and cower in fear lest it bite me back. Whether rain or shine, bitter or sweet, nothing is going to stop me from giving it my all and living life to its fullest. In fact, it's from the darkness of its storms that we learn to rejoice in the sunshine, its bitterness that we relish the sweet.
//////////
/////////////////
///////////
Volatile, terrifying, magical, monstrous, deadly, spectacular.  For all the good and the bad, all its highs and its lows. Life is incredible.

And come what may, I pray that I will never lose hold of my Faith, Hope, and Love for all that this life beholds.





                        

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

RUNNING ON PASSION

Hello hello.


Flushed, sweaty, sticky, dusty from the track ; I couldn't be happier.

Someone asked me a few days ago " How do you do it? How do you tell yourself to run x number of kilometres, and find the willpower / time / energy to do so? WHY do you even willingly muster yourself to something so challenging and torturous? "

There is no one concise answer for him. 

I run for a multitude of reasons.

***

Because it makes me feel alive.

Because it gives me a purpose.

Because it exhilarates me.

Because it inspires me to be better.


Because it makes me feel powerful.

Because it lifts me up to rise above my fears.

Because it gives me strength.

Because it challenges me.


Because it makes me appreciate what I have been blessed with.

Because it gives me faith in myself and what I am capable of. 

Because it helps me conquer my demons.

Because it gives me encouragement.


Because it gives me discipline.

Because it humbles me.

Because it fills me a satisfying sense of accomplishment.

Because it reminds me that there is much good in other people.


Because it gives me health.

Because it brings me joy.

Because it gives me contentment.

Because it gives me peace.


Because it frees me from my troubles.

Because it elevates me to euphoria.

Because it helps me dream big.

Because it helps me achieve those dreams.


Because it brings me closer to God.

Because it brings me closer to people.


Because it gives me passion.

Because it opens my eyes to the beauty around me.


With every run, I walk away a better person. A stronger person. A more humble person.

With every run, I fall in love again. 



                        

Sunday, June 2, 2013

WANDERLUST

Something I've wanted to do badly, for quite some time now, is travel.

Now when I say travel, it does not mean the security and structure of modern countries such as Australia, Singapore, Europe, and such. Think instead of the unfamiliar roads less traversed ; Vietnam, Cambodia, Phillippines, Laos.

When I say travel, it does not mean having a neatly organized itinerary, booked-in-advance accommodation, and regular meals. Think instead, not getting a shower that day, not knowing when your next meal will be (or even where it will come from), not knowing where you will sleep that night.

When I say it, I mean closing your eyes and jumping off with the wild abandon that seems come hand-in-hand with youth, into the great unknown. 

Now that would be a thrill like no other, truly an adventure to be relished.

***

This is something I've wanted to do for a long time. The desire is ingrained in me so deeply that come what may, this is something I know I must achieve for the sake of my sanity.

The present circumstances look as though they're as good as they're going to get. I've thought about it and decided that for this to work, I need three things namely : Time, Money, and Buddy.

Time is abundant. I can work hard and take care of Money. Buddy was the most difficult part. I went down a few paths in the hopes of finding him, only to find myself at a dead end every time.

I'd started to doubt that I would ever tick Buddy off the checklist, to the point that I seriously considered going by myself. If I was going to wait for the perfect circumstances to begin, I'd never get started. However difficult as it was to hold back, I knew that it would be bordering on dangerous to do this as a lone girl.

Which is why I was so thankful when I found someone who seemed to be game. It was a blessing heaped upon me, serendipity redefined.

But time is ticking, and we have yet to hash things out and come to a solid agreement. 

Dear God almighty, please let this work.