Monday, February 25, 2013

UNWANTED

it was a couple of days ago at the preschool where i work. some of the kids go back later, sp they stay back and eat lunch then do their homework.

the kids came to the table, and us teachers settled down to eat lunch with them as well. the usual chitchat commenced, us conversing about the weather, our families, and other typical topics.

as one of the teachers was munching her food, she remarked on how much weight she'd put on recently. then she commented jokingly,

" gee, i've gotten so fat! i wouldn't be surprised if my husband didn't want me any more! "

a few teachers chuckled, and the kids laughed as well.

i didn't say anything, but i didn't feel it appropriate that such a statement be made. i know she didn't mean any harm and was saying it lightly. however i was highly aware of the fact that there were young, impressionable children at the table, picking up every word. 

we always think and impress upon children how their elders are much wiser and hence they should listen to what we say. well, most of the time it's true. this time however, the adults were already (albeit unconsciously) telling these kids -

" the skinnier you are, the more love you get. "
" no one wants a large girl. "

 ***

it's pretty sad that people think that way. so many people are dissatisfied and have less-than-substantial self worth. i admit that even for myself, it's hard to escape the negative influence that the media has over my image of my self-worth. i don't deny that there are ghouls in my mind whispering negative things and trying to bring me down all the time. therefore i think it's imperative that everybody (males and females alike) tell themselves this everyday ;

i'm beautiful,
i'm worthy to be loved,
i will do all i can to honour myself and my body by treating it with respect and love by giving it exercise and healthy food and rest.


                        



Thursday, February 21, 2013

DISORDERED

while i was in pyramid some time last week, i came across this ad from Carl's Jr.



" Charged with causing eating disorders. "

seriously, Carl's Jr? SERIOUSLY?

with all your millions of dollars and big shots in the creative dept., if this is all you can come up with in the name of advertising, then shame on you. at your pathetic stab at being witty and your incredibly bad taste in humour.

an eating disorder is not something to be fooled around with and poked fun at.

***

read this guy's short story about his fight and victory over ED.


" at the beginning of 2011, i was at the worst i had ever been, at 6’2 at 63lbs, i was about to die, but i was adamant that i was fine, and refused to go back to hospital, but the mental health team were too worried about me, and put me under a section 3, and legally dragged me into hospital, which is the thing that saved my life, because the day after, when i was in a hospital ward, i went into heart failure, at this point my mum was phoned and told i might not make it, because though they pumped adrenaline into me, i was still in a coma from lack of blood sugar and stuff to keep my brain conscious, luckily, i woke, i was very very weak and frail still, i had tubes to feed me, tubes to take my wee(catheter), IV drips, and heart monitors. I couldnt move, i was literally not strong enough to swallow, i was like this for weeks, until my bloods had become stable enough for me to move to an Eating Disorders unit. 

I spent the best part over 2011 there, it wasnt fun, being watched peeing, pooping, sleeping, eating, breathing, no privacy whatsoever. but since i left over a year ago, i realised that freedom and living are more than enough to motivate me to be healthy, and you know what, im much happier now at 160lbs than i was 100lbs lighter…goes to show that anorexia only wants one thing, and that is to kill you, losing the weight doesnt make you happy, what makes you happy is living, enjoying things, and doing whatever the f*** you want to do without boundaries from a bitch inside your own head.

sorry that went on for quite a bit, but i just wanted to show you, life is amazing now, and will be for all you too, once you learn to battle anorexia and fight for you life!

now, listen here, recovering from an eating disorder, will be the hardest thing you ever have to do in your life, ever. i mean it, there will be so many times where you just want to give up, but dont, if you fall, you get back up and try again, falling is not failing, failing is giving up, if you fall 100 times, you get back up 101, it is possible to beat this illness, and you will. it might be hard, but i tell you, it is worth it, the enjoyment of life is a light at the end of this dark tunnel.

do not give up, ever. ever. never.

lots of love from matt :D <3 font="">



                        

Saturday, February 16, 2013

TONG TONG TONG QIANG

hello everyone! how's CNY going so far?


dress - thrifted
necklace - summit
belt - summit
shoes - mum's

taken on the eve of CNY.
mum told me " don't wear blue during CNY, if you do so it means you are a stingy person. "


dress - online
bag - un-masqued.com
shoes - bata

last sunday's outfit to church (which was so empty as most people had already left for their hometown.) after the service, we too hit the road. we usually travel to penang on the first day of CNY to visit my dad's side of the family. 

i recall a year when everyone too had the seemingly brilliant idea of travelling back on the first day as well. that year's journey was HORRIBLE with a capital H. took us 13hours of travelling to get there! thank goodness for good weather and clear roads this year ; we reached penang in about four hours time.

***

here are some pictures taken over the duration of my CNY so far.


usb of a 'loong' (dragon)



kulim, kedah.
beautiful sunset by the paddyfields.



the river / irrigation canal.




bro and i. he really can be quite cute sometimes.



lanterns lining the streets of raja uda. i think they sort of look like floating, glowing, jellyfish.



CNY day 2
before going for brunch with my family

dress - kitschen



mummy



nerdy



a japanese teahouse made of cardboard.

alright, that's all for now. will be back with more CNY stuff soon!

                        

Thursday, February 14, 2013

V-DAY

Today is valentines day.

I mulled over fun ideas for a date. Although I have no one to do them with, just envisioning these perfect scenarios in my head makes me happy. 

***
We would watch a play at a theatre, then after the final curtain had fallen and the last round of applause had died, we would go for a walk in a park before going to McD's to get an icecream sundae each, oblivious to the patrons staring at us - me in my dress and heels and him all suited up. 

   or

We could go to a funfair, visit the house of mirrors, go on the ferris wheel, and typical other funfair things. Then we'd play games and he'd win me a really big soft toy like how the guy always does in the movies (so cheesy, I know.) Then we'd head to a classic diner with neon lights, bar stools, table booths and a jukebox (far out, I know) and drink our ice cream floats through twisty straws, eat curly fries, coney dogs and share a waffle.

   or

We would work out in the morning, have a nice long shower, go trawling the aisles of a grocery store, then spend the afternoon in the kitchen cooking. It would probably go atrociously wrong with us mistaking the salt for sugar or burning the food. We'd laugh ourselves silly and order a takeout. We'd put on a classic movie like "Monsters Inc", "Shrek", or "Toy Story", and laugh some more. 

Then we'd go for a walk in a nice park.

I'd say I was cold (just to see if he would be a gentleman and offer me his jacket)

He would be a gentleman and offer me his jacket.

We'd play on the swings.

Lie down on the grass and stare at the stars.

Words would tumble carelessly and we would banter endlessly about nothing yet everything.

And it would all be so beautiful.



                     


Saturday, February 9, 2013

FASHION FIXES

here's another outfit post for you guys just before i leave for penang. 

go ahead and indulge in a few cookies. don't be too uptight and keep counting calories at the reunion dinner ; after all CNY is only once a year. just don't go overboard on the sweets, and work extra hard after this! :) 

on that note, i'd like to wish all my readers 

Happy Chinese New Year!


***


necklace - summit
belt - summit
black skater dress - online

                        

Friday, February 8, 2013

DOUBLE BLOW

in yesterday's The Star newspaper dated 8/02/2013, i came across this amusing quote

" today, losing your phone is a bigger deal than losing your virginity. "

***

yesterday i was getting ready to go shopping with my sister, when a call from an unknown number flashed on my screen. upon answering, it was my sister who told me that her phone had just been stolen. undeterred, we made up our minds to still proceed with our shopping plan.

hours later after plenty of shopping, we were ready to make a move. i reached into my bag to get my phone to call our parents. as i was digging around in my bag, i was talking and laughing and being very distracted by all the other shoppers and hive of activity happening in the mall. 

meanwhile, i was still groping around and my fingers had yet to locate the phone. it must've sunk really deep into the vast cavern that is a girl's handbag. 

for a moment, the thought briefly ran through my mind "wouldn't it be hilarious though, my sister and i losing our phones barely hours apart on the same day?" haha brain. very funny. i considered the chances of that happening, then.. wait, why am i even considering the possibility of it happening? not like it actually would, right? 

sobering up, i sat down, put my shopping bags on the ground and my handbag on my lap. i started digging around in earnest, getting more and more frantic. every single compartment, every single nook and cranny. nope.

i ran up to the very first people i saw and asked if they could help to call my phone, whether by any wonderful chance it would start ringing in one of my bags and i would be joyously relieved, think "oh silly me, getting all worked up over nothing!" and continue on with my life.

both of them willingly obliged to help me. i put the phone to my ear only to hear.. a dead dial tone. 

which meant someone must've stolen my phone when i was shopping. drat. the same phrase replayed in my mind. only this time, it was for real.

"wouldn't it be hilarious, my sister and i losing our phones barely hours apart on the same day?"

i suppose it was. in a ridiculously tragic way.

life has such an sadistic sense of humour.

as my dad so aptly coined it, " i don't know whether to get angry or laugh at the both of you sillies. "

                     


Wednesday, February 6, 2013

EFFORT AND REWARDS

so, here are some things i'm doing soon that i'm pretty psyched about
- a month in aussie
- climbing mt. kinabalu
- singapore trip

***

make no assumptions though ; i'm not from a rich family. the only reason i can afford to do these things, is because i work diligently and save in earnest to fund my expenses.

in knowing i was doing so in order to support my travelling expenses, someone told me that instead of putting their effort into working to get the money to go travelling and have nice little luxuries in life, they would much rather just stay at home, do nothing, and live a low-key, simple life.

hey, nothing wrong with that. after all, happiness is relative and to each his own.

but just my two cents on this matter.

knowing myself, i would not be content to just have a routine job with mediocre income, to merely have an equally unimpressive life. i wouldn't be happy to just 'get by' in life.

of course, a job means a certain level of discipline and work. no sleeping in, showing commitment, willingness to put in effort. but having a job isn't all bad. it occupies my time and gives me something productive to do. it also helps that i find my job pretty interesting. (will talk more about my job, but that's for another time.) plus, it brings in a small allowance without depending on my parents and allows me to enjoy the wonders of travelling, of exploring what our world has to offer.

live a simple, idle, life?

i would rather exert myself to work hard and play hard, than living a life that requires no effort and offers no rewards.






                       

Saturday, February 2, 2013

THE FARM @ LENGGENG

yesterday a few of us drove up to lenggeng to check out a campsite called 'the farm'. digressing a bit, why would anyone want to call a place 'the farm'? sounds totally uncool heh. okay just my two cents. ;)

some pics of the place.


it was scorching hot on that day! the sun's rays were blazingly strong and bright. on the upside though, i suppose it made for really vibrant and vivid photos.


SHOO PWEETYY

there were a few ponds on the campsite too.


weiwei, winnie, and david.


no filter / editing at all, yet the colours came out so rich and vibrant.

up on the balcony of one of the two houses available for campers.


not ready!


okay much better. :)


they have a stargazing and campfire site too.


natthan looking so happy on the swing.


myself trying to act all nonchalant and unaware.


with weiwei on the swing. wow you can really see the contrast between both of our skintones, i look so tanned next to her!